Kylie-Wiley - Twilight Books Summary

Kylie-Wiley

Hi! I'm Kyle. I'm a pretty strange fellow. I'm full of ironies - I have an insane appetite for food, but I have an even more insane metabolism, which basically means you'll constantly find me eating but not getting fat.

I like all sorts of activities, sports, and games, probably because I treat life like a game. I have 9 lives - similar to a cat, but I've already lost 4 (I think) in various accidents.

I'm always curious and in wonderment of people and the world - and you'll frequently find me talking to myself and asking myself questions. I have rockstar dreams, so if you see me playing air-guitar or playing a drumbeat with my palms, you'll know why.

I love my dogs, and I believe we humans have a thing or two to learn from our best friend.

I have three dream jobs, all of which will give me a sense of fulfillment in one way or another. These are:
1. Photographer for National Geographic - Traveling the world and taking photos of breathtaking landscapes and all sorts of animals? And getting paid to do it? wow.
2. Rock star - See 3rd paragraph
3. Professor at UP - I've done some tutoring before and I think imparting wisdom on young ones from my alma mater is a reward like no other.

Other than the things mentioned, I'm a pretty average guy working in the corporate world.

Twilight Books Summary

I've never read the books but I think this sums it up. : D
— Book 1. Twilight:
Edward: Hey.
Bella: OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.
Edward: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
Bella: OMG you're a vampire!
Edward: Yes. Let's go play baseball.
James: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
Edward: Roar.
James: Omnomnom Bella.
Bella: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
Edward: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well. LOLJK you're not a vamp.
Jacob: Oh, hi there!
— Book 2. New Moon:
Edward: Oops, gotta go.
Bella: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
Jacob: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
Bella: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
Alice: Edward is gonna kill himself!
Bella: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
Edward: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
Volturi: You suck.
Bella: OMG leave him alone!
Volturi: OK, leave now bitches.
Jacob: I love you, Bella.
Bella: OMG I love Edward more, bye!
— Book 3. Eclipse:
Victoria: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!
Bella: OMG no!
Edward: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean, Bella)
Jacob: I want to kill her too!
Riley: I will kill you!
Bella: OMG I'm frozen!
Edward: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
Jacob: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.
Victoria: You missed me bitches?
Edward: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.
— Book 4. Breaking Dawn:
Edward: I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.
Bella: OMG shit, okay.
Jacob: My heart is broken!
Bella: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
Edward: Oh no, a monster!
Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom :3
Volturi: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.
Bella: OMG finally I'm a vampire! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
Volturi: Fine, you won.
Jacob: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter.